Winchesterisms

So I have been beating around the bush if I should post these or not but my friends have finally convinced me to post them.  I drive a school bus and I see alot of teenage boys wearing those Chuck Norris t-shirts.  I always thought it would be funny to do ones for the Winchesters.  So me and my friends thought a few up and it snow balled from there.


Guns don't kill people. Dean Winchester kills people.

There is not theory of evolution, just a list of animals John Winchester allows to live.

Sam Winchester counted to infinity. Twice.

Dean Winchester does not sleep. He waits.

Sam Winchesters smile once brought a puppy back to life.

Sam Winchester can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Dean Winchester is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

John Winchester has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Dean Winchester is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Sam Winchester doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

John Winchester doesn't go hunting, John Winchester goes killing.

Dean Winchester isn’t cool, cool models itself after Dean Winchester.

Sam Winchester got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Sam Winchester for every answer.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects John Winchester could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Dean Winchester died ten years ago, but no Grim Reaper can get up the courage to tell him.

Sam Winchester can divide by zero.

If you can see John Winchester, he can see you. If you can't see John Winchester, it's already too late.

When Dean Winchester does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.

When Sam Winchester falls in water, Sam Winchester doesn't get wet. Water gets Sam Winchester.

John Winchester once shot down a German plane by pointing his finger and yelling “bang."

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Sam Winchester can slam a revolving door.

There is no such thing as global warming. John Winchester was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Dean Winchester does not get frostbite. Dean Winchester bites frost.

Sam Winchester can speak Braille.

Dean Winchester once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they are just The Islands.

Sam Winchester sleeps with a night light. Not because Sam Winchester is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Sam Winchester.

John Winchesters calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools John Winchester.

Dean Winchester was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Sam Winchester once finished "The Song That Never Ends."

A man once asked John Winchester if his real name was Jonathan. John Winchester did not answer him; he simply stared at him until his head exploded.

Sam Winchester can build a snowman out of rain.

A cobra once bit John Winchester in the leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Superman wears Dean Winchester pajamas.

John Winchester can drown a fish.

Dean Winchester does not pop his collar; his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Ghosts are actually caused by John Winchester killing faster than death can process.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. John Winchester can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Dean Winchester has to have a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

When Sam Winchester gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Sam Winchesters computer will crash.

Dean Winchester once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Sam Winchester once punched a man in the soul.

When Dean Winchester exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Sam Winchester was offered the role of Frodo in the Lord of the Rings. He declined, saying, "Only a pussy would need 3 movies to destroy a piece of jewelry."

A unicorn once kicked John Winchester. That is why they no longer exist.

Dean Winchester does not use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

The last digit of Pi is Sam Winchester.

John Winchester does not play "hide and seek." He plays, "hide and pray I don't find you."

When Dean Winchester enters a room, he doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.

The only time Sam Winchester was wrong was when he thought he made a mistake.

When John Winchester answers the phone, he says "Go." This is not permission for you to start speaking; it is your cue to start running for your life.

When Dean Winchester breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.

Sam Winchester is actually Jeeves from askJeeves.com

Elvis left the building because Dean Winchester showed up and told him to get the fuck out.

The answer to every mystery on Lost is Dean Winchester.

On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "John Winchester was here."

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has not met Dean Winchester.

Metallicar once went up against a Monster Truck. Now it is just known as a truck.

When Dean Winchester crosses the street, cars have to look both ways.

Dean Winchester does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Dean Winchester looks at the clouds and they sweat fear. We like to call it rain.

Sam Winchester can be both an unstoppable force AND an immovable object.

John Winchester destroyed the periodic table. The only element he recognizes is the element of surprise.

Harry Potter was known as the Boy Who Lived, until he pissed off Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester pisses Holy Water.

On the seventh day, God created the Winchesters. The devil only wishes he rested.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Supernatural marathon on Satellite TV.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with the Winchesters.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Winchestership.

When an episode of Supernatural aired in France, the French surrendered to the Winchesters just to be on the safe side.

There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, the Winchesters live in Kansas.

One of the Winchesters took my virginity, and one of them will take yours too. If you're saying,
"That's impossible, I already lost my virginity," then you are dead wrong.

Dean Winchester is so hot, he caused global warming.

The reason Osama bin Laden hasn't been found is that Dean Winchester just hasn't gotten around to it, yet